Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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