I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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