i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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