I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
