tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
