Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
