Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
