I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
