I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
