I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
