I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
