the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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