Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
