If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
