sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
