does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
