U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
