if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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