shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
