Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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