I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
