3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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