Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
