my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
