If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
