shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
