I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize