It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
