Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
