Betty ford says i'm here all night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
