your thong is hanging out like whoa
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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