Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
