Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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