Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
