Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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