I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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