So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
