I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
