Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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