Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize