note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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