Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize