I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
