he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize