sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
