so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
