He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
