why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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