Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
