I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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