He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
