you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
