Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
