That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
