Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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