You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
