my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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