I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.