Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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