puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
