I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
