the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
