This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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