my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
