my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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