then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
