speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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