Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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