So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
