i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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