i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
