he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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