You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
