you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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